


Dives and Lazarus

by tagesknows



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Green Eyed Monster, M/M, Possible sweetness overload, Satan is mentioned, Talking, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 07:26:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30102372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tagesknows/pseuds/tagesknows
Summary: Good things can come out of unpleasant associations.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Kudos: 7





	Dives and Lazarus

“Have you heard of the song “Dives and Lazarus?” 

“ Is it a hymn? Because you know I hate hymns.” 

“You know, I do think it is a hymn. But it tells a story. It’s about a very rich man, Dives—” 

“Diverous? Is that a name? Where does it come from?” 

“I’m not sure. I suppose it comes from the same place Lazarus comes from, which would be the Holy Land.” 

Snorts. 

“At any rate, Dives was an exceedingly wealthy man and Lazarus was as poor as you could be.” 

“A church mouse, in fact.” 

“Something like that. Lazarus went to Dives’ house to beg for food but was turned away, even though a great feast was going on. Then Dives set his dogs on Lazarus. Fortunately, the dogs wouldn’t attack Lazarus.” 

“Did you have something to do with that, angel?” 

“This is a story, dear. Not autobiography. Naturally I would have stopped the dogs if I had been there.” He was quiet for a moment as though he were remembering an event and didn’t want to. 

“Well, go on. I want to see where you’re going with this.” 

“So Lazarus went away and eventually he was so famished that he got sick and died. But because he was pious and poor he went to Heaven. He was allowed to sit on an angel’s knee.” 

Tense hands gripped the angel, but the question was put lightly: “So you’re confessing you were in Heaven rewarding some guy whose only virtue was that he dropped dead of starvation?” 

The irritable reply: “This is not autobiography, I told you. Why would you think I’d deceive you about that? I never met Lazarus. Nor Dives. Even if there were real people.” He went on, “Quite awhile after Lazarus died Dives also died. But of course he did not go to Heaven. He was sent to Hell, where he begged Lazarus to think on him and spare him some water. His punishment was to sit on a serpent’s knee.” 

“What? What’s a serpent’s knee? I should know that if I know anything.” 

“You do know many things, my dear. I wondered about it too. Some versions of the song say ‘the Serpent’s knee’ which sounds as though he sat upon the Devil himself.” 

“That’s bloody unlikely. Satan doesn’t have time for knee sitting and I doubt he would consider it a proper punishment compared with the other stuff they get up to down there. A punishment for himself, maybe. It would be a privilege to his mind. Lazarus should be down there too sitting on Satan’s other knee, one of them anyway. How many knees does a Serpent have?” 

As many as he wants, the angel thought but did not say. He hoped only one, possible two.

“You’re not accusing me of promiscuous knee sitting, are you? Because that is absolutely untrue. Ngh—Dives. I’d run a mile. Did Lazarus give Dives water and food?” 

“I don’t think the song says. He must have done, if he wanted to make a good impression on the angel he was sitting on. What I wanted to tell you is that I don’t consider sitting on a serpent’s knee to be a punishment. Far from it. And also, if you would like, I will reward you similarly to how Lazarus was rewarded,” he said with a kiss on the cheek. 

“I’ll reward you, “ said the demon and leaned up to pull the angel’s lips to meet his. 

“I’m luckier than Lazarus. “ 

Sent from Outlook


End file.
